Now that 30 billionaires have settled their differences with 700+ millionaires on how to divvy up the incoming millions, Major League Baseball is underway across America. Except in Cincinnati, where the roster consists mostly of players from the Reds’ minor league affiliate Chattanooga Lookouts, only now they’re wearing uniforms with less of a “Mr. Potato Head eyes” vibe.

That’s because the Reds, in the words of GM Nick Krall “must align our payroll with our resources.”

Don’t worry, though, this payroll reduction doesn’t affect list member Dan “The Reds – learn their names along with us!” Lewis, who is still being compensated quite handsomely for “HELPING PARTNERS ENGAGE/ACTIVATE WITH OUR FANS IN THE BALL PARK, ONLINE AT REDS.COM AND ON REDS ON RADIO.”

(We rarely use “quite handsomely” in the same sentence with “Dan Lewis” but in this case we mean Dan gets his pick of bobbleheads, and any leftover popcorn from concession stands. Score!)

Speaking of Herb Score, the Reds take the field Tuesday afternoon for their home opener against the Cleveland Indi…er, Guardians.

And after the game you can stick around downtown to see a live performance from a real rock star:

No, that’s not Queen’s Brian May, or REO Speedwagon’s Kevin Cronin, or the ghost of Ronnie James Dio… it’s noted curmudgeon Fran Lebowitz. She’ll be at the Aronoff on Tuesday evening.

I don’t often engage in hyperbole (except when talking about Dan “Moneyball” Lewis’ salary) so believe me when I say that this Wednesday is the Humping-est Hump Day ever!

It’s an embarrassment of musical riches:

• Waxahatchee will be at the Woodward Theater with opener Madi Diaz – list member Joe Sampson and I will be there, with bells on.
• Jack White plays the Jan Brady Music Center.
• Jim Lauderdale is doing a solo gig at the Southgate.
• Country Westerns will be at MOTR.
• Penny & Sparrow are at Ludlow Garage.
• Last, but certainly not least, the Taft hosts Baby Shark Live.

Speaking of Jack White and baseball, check out his version of the Star-Spangled Banner at the Detroit Tigers home opener:

On Thursday, Loudon Wainwright III plays Memoria Hall, much liked he played the M*A*S*H 4077 back in the day:

That same evening, Celtic Women play the Aronoff, and the Cincinnati Zoo’s “Tunes and Blooms” series features the Whiskey Bent Valley Boys.

On Friday:

• Bill and the Belles play Southgate.
• Hyryder (Grateful Dead tribute) plays Annie’s.
• Keiko Matsui is at Ludlow Garage.
• Local band Gentle Leader XIV opens for System Exclusive at a free show at MOTR. A member of Gentle Leader XIV works with list member Anne Robinson, and Anne encourages all of us to attend. And another “Gentle Leader 14” is willing to bet it’ll be a great show.

Rainbow Kitten Surprise plays the Ovation on Saturday, with The Brook & The Bluff as the opening band. Aronoff hosts Rain: a tribute to the Beatles. And Ludlow Garage has “Live at the Fillmore: the definitive original Allman Brothers Band tribute.”

Baseball season is also Festival season

Strong lineup for this year’s Bourbon & Beyond:

But it’s no match for the original Borbón:

New Tunes

This week, new albums came out from Lucius, Calexico, Wet Leg, Father John Misty, Jack White, Orville Peck, and Pillow Queens. And check out this delightful song from The Loyal Seas, which is Tanya Donelly (Throwing Muses, Breeders and Belly – try to top that trifecta!) and Brian Sullivan:

Happy Trees Tripping

From this article on Dangerous Minds: A man named Alexander Reben has created the ultimate psychedelic Bob Ross artifact. It’s called Deeply Artificial Trees. According to Reben, “This artwork represents what it would be like for an AI to watch Bob Ross on LSD.”

Album Cover of the Week

Woody is also looking at two to four years in prison for invasion of privacy…

And finally, the song that’s been in your head since you read the headline of this post, if you’re an old-timer like me: